I love looking at the fresh produce in the supermarket. Frequently I have been enticed by large, beautiful oranges and I’m disappointed to find that what I have purchased is mostly peel! You can’t eat the peel but it does serve to protect the fruit that resides inside of it. Sometimes it is juicy and nutritious. Sometimes it is small or rotten.
Each of us was raised in an environment surrounded by boundaries or peels that separate us in the world. I don’t really like the term dysfunction butif broken , it means”dys” or disorder of the way in which the family operates or”functions”.
Whenever there are issues within the family unit such as addictions or incest, thick boundaries prevent the outside world from interfering. Those people who are inside the orange are occasionally taught to not feel or discuss problems and that everything beyond the peel is your enemy. In some cultures or households, those who leave the inside are shunned.
When two people start a new relationship, they bring what they understand from their family orange together. It’s their”normal” and often they don’t speak about things that they have accepted from infancy and do not understand what went on in another person’s orange. If their experiences were happy and healthy, they may want to drag the other person into their family orange. If they were unhealthy and unhappy, they might see the new relationship as an escape.
Special events like Christmas can cause friction in families, especially when those in the original oranges think that new partners need to become part of their orange. I’ve seen clients dread the holidays as they believe they are expected (or demanded) to attend several raccoon removal companies, honor traditions that are unfamiliar and satisfy others without question. Adults could be expected to sleep on the floor with their children instead of book a hotel room just because”someone” believes they want to all wake up in the identical place on December 25th. Some individuals are harassed if they are unable to unwilling to drive hours and hours to get a planned celebration.
Among the toughest but important things for a brand new relationship is for them to produce their own orange which honours their shared values. This requires good communications and healthful boundaries. New traditions can be made and rather than have extended family members dictate what is going to occur, the couple will make joint decisions they can both stand for.
Now that we’re on the threshold of this Christmas season, it is time to consider all those involved. Just because you’ve always done things a certain way doesn’t mean that this will or should continue.
Draw circles to represent the”oranges” of different family members that you care about. Make certain that you draw another circle for each single adult and each partnership as opposed to attempting to drag them into your circle. Achieving peace on earth this Christmas begins with your efforts to honor the needs of these on the page.
If you would like to enjoy time with them, consider offering an invitation as opposed to making a demand because of your expectations.
Perhaps it’s time for you to create some new traditions. It is all part of the Christmas preparation!